I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
