the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
