I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
