is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
you had me at cake vodka
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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