I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
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I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
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look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
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