oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
