I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
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