You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
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