I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Randomize
