Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
