somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
