16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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