fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
