oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Randomize
