i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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