I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
50% drunk capacity currently
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
