my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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