Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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