I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
