You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
