why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Randomize
