It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I just sucked dick on a ferry
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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