im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
