Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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