is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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