Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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