i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
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