Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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