Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
This house was built for laser tag.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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