Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
