You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
