based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
