Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Life is so much better after having sex.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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