remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
