I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
