I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
