It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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