as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
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