okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
