this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
