i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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