I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
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