when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize