this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
