in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
