Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize