Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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