OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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