I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Randomize
