Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
