She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
