the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
