this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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