Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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