I wish my penis had an off switch
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Success! We fucked roommates!
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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