i don't like sucking hair
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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