New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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