Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
