the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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