Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
