i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Randomize
