I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
