Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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