I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
