You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
