Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
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