Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
