I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
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