i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
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