dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
But break dance skills will only take you so far
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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