I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
