I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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