how can u be prego again
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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