It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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