i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
