Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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