College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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