Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
