I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Randomize
