Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
